How to Start an Adoption
Hello friend,
You and I have something in common. A heart for adoption. While many are in full support of adoption, few will go down the road of making it happen within their own family. It’s a beautiful thing, but how does one start? It can all feel like a lot. Well, you’re in the right place.
First, I want to encourage you by sharing that this has been one of the most incredible things we have ever done. There are no words to describe taking in a child and loving them as your own. We believe God has created every life for a purpose and it has been an honor to partner with the Lord in our sons life. I wish broken families weren’t a thing, but this is where God can take ashes and create beauty.
Adoption stories are all so uniquely different, but the following things are pretty common across the board. Here is a great place to start if you haven’t already done so.
Get Serious & Plan a Meeting with your Spouse.
This might seem like a no brainer, but hear me out. We plan for weddings, we plan for home builds, we even work to do research while building a registry before having a baby. There is a lot to do during an adoption process, and while most of it won’t happen right now - it is helpful to talk things through. Sit down and actually connect with each other to get on the same page. It will save you time and potentially surprises in the long run if you can connect with your spouse in the beginning of your process. I also found myself doing most of the paperwork, so it helped to know how my husband felt on certain things. That way, I didn’t have to depend on him being with me to get the paperwork done.
So what kind of things should you talk about? From your first application, all the way to the home study, you will be asked all sorts of questions.
Here are some good things to start discussing:
Are you interested in international, domestic, or embryo adoption?
How far are you willing to travel for a domestic adoption? Are you familiar and okay with other states adoption laws?
Is adoption through foster care something you’d consider? (Often times these kids are older, and the heart of foster care is and should always be to reunite with birth families. Adoption is never guaranteed. However, there are many beautiful stories of adoption happening through taking this path)
Would you prefer the adoption to be closed or open? (closed means cut off from the birth family, open means in relationship with possibly both birth parents) If you choose open, you will have more options.
How old do you wish the child to be and what health factors are you willing to take in? (We considered following the birth order of our daughter and wished to only bring in a child younger than her)
Do you have any funds saved that you could use now or how much could you potentially start budgeting for?
If you applied for an adoption right now, do you have what is needed to care for a child within the next year? (Our adoption process happened within 9 months!)
Is it a priority to go with a faith based agency or no?
How do you plan to get the support you need for your adoption? (This could be financially and relationally as the child gets older)
This is an exciting adventure! Make it official by setting aside this specific time to talk, dream and pray!
2. Find/Apply for an Agency
This is important. I wanted to make a point of contact before applying because the application can sometimes be a good chunk of change. We wanted an agency we felt good about.
Most places should be open to getting on a phone call to help answer any questions you have before applying. We had it narrowed down to three agencies at the beginning of our process based off their websites, and then chose based off which one had the quickest/friendliest response. One agency never even reached out after our inquiry! After you feel good about an agency you will be asked to apply and pay an application fee. Our application fee was $500.
We also chose to go with a Christian agency since faith based values are important to us. This limited the search a bit, but it was well worth it. Just a heads up that often times when you go with an out of state agency you will most likely need to find a different agency for your home study. Home studies include having someone come to your home, so the more local the better.
We even moved during our adoption process and had to get the home study updated. Luckily, we were under 60 miles, but cost can change depending on where you live. Speaking of home study - this leads me to the next point.
3. Save/Apply for the Home Study
The home study is crucial to the adoption process. You can’t move forward without this piece. This is your green light that you’ve been approved to be an adopting family. They basically give you a “certificate” to forward to your agency or lawyer. This is the one area that you may need to pay out front even before fundraising/applying for scholarships. The reason is, most scholarships won’t fund your adoption unless you're approved and most potential donors like to see it as well. Of course you can write to a few close friends/family or even post to your local network and see about getting donations for this. On average this is around $3,000.
I would say - this is where it gets real. Once you have this, you’ve got skin in the game. It’s just a matter of being matched after this point. It’s important to note that home studies are usually valid for one year. Meaning, you may need to renew your home study during your adoption process.
4. Set up your Donation Link/Apply for Scholarships
During the home study process and even while you wait to be matched, you can work to receive donations and apply for scholarships. Our adoption happened so fast that I didn’t even realize scholarships were a thing until the end of our process. Most scholarships have certain dates you need to apply by and some work to “reimburse” you after you’ve already made adoption payments. So I highly recommend looking as soon as you can so that you can map out application deadlines/dates. The more you apply for the better your odds! There are a lot of options, here are just a few. Please note some are faith based scholarships.
https://www.helpusadopt.org
https://fundyouradoption.org
https://giftofadoption.org
https://orphanoutreach.org/program/3/joseph-s-dreamcoat
https://www.achildwaits.org
https://showhope.org
We also went with GiveSendGo as our donation platform because it was optional to give a kickback to the organization. Other platforms take a percentage of your funds no matter what. They are also a Christian platform and prayed for us along our journey!
5. Find Community
The emotional roller coaster is real. If you haven’t made connections with other families who’ve gone through it, now is the time. I found counsel through families at church, met others at different events, and even started following other moms on social media who had gone through an adoption or posted adoption content. They were my cheerleaders and often my listening ear when I was nervous. This community can also help with funding because they often know of organizations and scholarship opportunities. We made friends that told us of a place that adoptive families can stay for free retreats, local to us, and that has been a HUGE blessing!
In summary, this is exciting. You can do it. Sometimes you just have to take the first step. We feel blessed to have adopted our son. He is a gift to us. Adoption is worth it.
The community is larger than you probably know. You are not alone.
God gets the Glory. Be whole and healthy.
Sincerely,
Heidi
